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Below are the 17 most recent journal entries recorded in
londonbard's InsaneJournal:
| Friday, May 13th, 2011 | |
| 10:31 pm | They say that it will be Judgement Day on May 21st - but I saved this journal anyway. Current Mood:  contemplative |
| Tuesday, March 24th, 2009 | |
| 9:18 pm | I'm posting just to make sure that my journal stays here. Current Mood:  crazy |
| Sunday, April 6th, 2008 | |
| 10:54 am | that's probably it, then. I had bad dreams of creeping out to cut stems and level plants in my own (beloved) front garden. I was horribly ashamed about it; it felt like those stories and operas that end with the man saying, "If I can't have you nobody else will!" and killing the woman. ( of gardens, cats and other pets. ) Gardens are different. I can't take it with me. I can't find it a good home. Historically, whenever gardeners leave here the landlord sends in the men with the choppers, They level it and sow it with weedkiller - or possibly salt. The new tenant looks at the wasteland and begs to have it paved over. It has happened over and over again. Half the plants out there in my garden are "rescues" - but I'm the last gardener left here, now. It took years to make my little patch of the social housing desert bloom. I imported soil and worms. What I was trying to understand was that the garden had one chance (by yesterday.) I had already taken cuttings to try to reproduce it elsewhere (they were in the garden so they're dead, now.) The chance was that I could "destroy it" myself. I could carefully prune everything down to as near the roots as it could survive, hand back a "tidy by landlord standards"=leafless garden and hope that they wouldn't send in the weedkiller squad. The cost would be the neighbours thinking I intended to ruin it rather than let someone else have it. That was bothering me so much that it's as if I prayed without knowing it, and I do not like what has happened now. Today my garden is out there under inches of snow. That may let me cut the "dead" plants back as a final, nice, considerate act. The fuschias, which have been in full bloom since February, will certainly look dead after this. However, I can't cut them back without killing them until after the thaw. The very heavy, settled snow will also have killed every cutting and every plant with loosened roots that I was going to take with me... That's it. The goalposts moved again... It's April! We've had the first day of spring!! The GreatTits are tearing at the fatball, but I don't think their nestlings can come through this. Current Mood:  bleak |
| Monday, August 20th, 2007 | |
| 1:50 am | once upon a time Bye baby bunting, daddy's gone a hunting, gone to fetch a rabbit skin, to wrap his baby bunting in, ________________________________________ Let Nana drowse by the fire and dream, Three hands of children she bore in her day, watch the firelight flicker and gleam, watch the wrinkled fingers play. Nana it was who found the bone the marmot's rib with the useful hole. Nana it is who threads the gut, to join the skins in a furry roll. Nana it was who caught the child Nana it was who wrapped it warm, Mother of mothers who keeps the cave where now we hide from the summer storm. Nana it was who found the earth Ocre coloured in yellow and red, Nana it was who mixed it - how? So it colours the walls 'round the baby's bed. Nana and daughters who worked the spells That puts the pictures upon the wall. The bison stands and the horses run, The fallen cow and the mammoth tall. Mother of mothers and fathers too, look at the hands outlined in smoke! Look at the place where Granfer Urg, Scrawled a snake as a childhood joke! Look at the bison pierced with spears, look at the place where the Leader falls, That was the death of the Granfer Reff Whose bones lie under the painted walls. Where do the newborn reindeer hide? Where do the floods run after the snows? What do we do when the child is sick? Nana remembers and Nana knows. |
| Thursday, November 6th, 2003 | |
| 2:03 am | The pain is now a bit less mindbending, having gradually diminished. It has been combined with a bad headache for the last three days. I've risked taking painkiller so it's difficult to judge. Bad enough to make sleep difficult. From the look of the files this week will be - life's workload standing over me with a whip! Current Mood: tired Current Music: tv news 2 comments | Leave a comment 05:36 am: Monday almost 6a.m. Right side under ribs very tender - and there is so much to do. Current Mood: depressed 1 comment | Leave a comment 10:49 pm: Not well at all. Very sleepy all day. Finally made self get up at around 9p.m. Pain under ribs right side at first, but actually worsening, seems to have spread by 11pm. Skin discoloured, but right leg sore too so maybe I just slept twisted or something... Leave a comment |
| Wednesday, November 5th, 2003 | |
| 12:53 pm | Engineer disconnected frost-stat on Friday when malfunction continued. Mailboxes sealed same day. Ill and sore... not able to do much. I wish I could have gone out to fireworks, but side still very painful and chest tight. One of them nearly came in to me! Rocket was fired directly at window - gave impression it was trying to screw its way in through the glass... Current Mood: crushed |
| Wednesday, October 29th, 2003 | |
| 12:48 pm | I was trying to move about and clear the place up before Sarah arrives to take photos. I phoned Bilil and pointed out that I had not received the file. He told me a copy would be available if I went to St. Charles. I have not been out much since the crash, but did so - and as I got to front door I found card from heating engineer saying he had come when I was out. It was accompanied by note from Special Messanger saying they had tried to deliver and recived no answer at door. I suppose that was either Health Authority form or debit card. No normal post at all... Pain in back had steadily worsened. It has moved to front and side and may be as bad as it was at first. At first it hurt under ribs at side, I think but then it spread and it is now at waist, front/side. I am more comfortable leaning away from it; I can't move without making the pain worse and it precludes sleep. I had wondered if it was because I was moving around, but when I wrote this I remembered the heat in the flat, (above,) and now I wonder if it's due to becoming dehydrated over weekend... but the fact is that I just don't know. I'm in a lot of pain, I know that. All the results of the crash are making it impossible to cope with anythng else - and I have to. |
| Thursday, September 4th, 2003 | |
| 12:19 pm | Back then, I was off-line because I was hurt in a car crash on Sept 4th. Rear-end shunt. I really wanted to RPG but I went virtuously to a meeting - the taxi I was in slowed to avoid a jay-walker and a car hit it hard from behind... |
| Friday, August 1st, 2003 | |
| 11:26 am | Then Things got Tough. I was about to write that Live-Journal ate my journal on the 28th, and it completely threw me - then I realised that, of course, this one is really "my journal". The other is just for an RPG/fiction, but losing that one really upset me. E-M was marvellous, and now much of the journal is backed up and saved, and I'm also trying to duplicate it, but the temptation to rewrite is very strong. (I think I got a lot better while co-writing - I also want to add a certain amount [by hindsight] so readers can see the relationship grow to a greater extent, but I'm not sure if I write well enough for that, yet.) ________________________________________ Hindsight. I copied part of it over to GJ but they eat icons and are generally unstable. I'm now copying fic-journal to IJ and I'm re-writing a bit as it goes. I hope this site stays put. |
| Sunday, July 27th, 2003 | |
| 11:02 am | 12:00 am: After dodging all over the internet as various fictional characters. this past week, I can't believe I forgot to update my real life journal. Less happened in RL than on-line, I suppose. The garden dried out very badly - it's too hot, over 90o. My US friends talk about that strange luxury, air-conditioning; I haven't got that and the heat just knocked me out. (I've been getting things done after it was cooler, which means at night, which means RPGing a lot. I like the company in Lair, and that's the biggest incentive but I'm almost nocturnal - oddly enough, I'm not playing a Vampire, either...) E-Mun started a new Community for Fanfic and really AU, the Chaosverse; I have a feeling that the fan-fic part could really take off. She has a way of bringing out the best in people that's a talent in itself. (I'm flinching off writing about the rest of it - trouble with Kat over putting up the co-authored fics. I wouldn't show her the new writing, I don't want to block again - and perhaps that says it all.) I had my hair cut short and layered - it was impulse, I'd worn it long for years, but I really like the new style. I think, in an odd way, I was celebrating not being scarred. The hospital was on Monday 16th and they couldn't do the proceedure, so the next appointment is in September. The SRB Meeting to select consultants was on the Tues and that really worked. The Group seems to work well together, but heaven knows if there will be a come-back for pointing out that "Consulting the Tenants" now tends to mean that they asked one of the 7 people in the Tenants Forum. It got mumurs of agreement from everybody but the guy-from-the-TP, but still... I can only hope that they follow my recommendantions to involve people from every group of dwellings... The meeting with the doctor was on Fiday, that seemed to go well and he may do the report. I finally got the tapes of Buffy, season 7, and have seen the Buffy finale - and it was a real anti-climax..... |
| Friday, June 27th, 2003 | |
| 10:58 am | 07:56 pm: Surprise No wonder that scar started to inflame. It seems that a nasty little bone-chip was working its way out. Well it's out now and I'd better hope that there are no more of them. Apart from that, there hasn't been much that's interesting enough to put in a journal(which is just as well. The Chinese used "may you live in interesting times" as a curse. I got three clown loaches from Animal Fair on Thurs. and they seem to be settling in well. |
| Friday, June 20th, 2003 | |
| 10:52 am | copying lj I actually started this Journal in August 2007 - all the entries so far are backdated. back to 2003 I've spent a few days getting over surgery. My home is in a mess because I packed to relocate, the offer was withdrawn but I hurt my back enough to make it impossible to unpack properly;(that isn't so bad now but I probably shouldn't take chances while trying to clear up.) My computer was hit by a virus three weeks ago. The repairs aren't complete and I must get that dealt with, too. I normally have to write a lot, and the disrupted relocation, plus pending Data Protection action, make this a very bad time to have a printer that fails continually - and most of the necessary papers and files put away in boxes, (somewhere!) Worse, I'd started to feel that not just sailing through all this was my fault. I was even feeling guilty about starting this Journal. (Now I've written some of it down it down I rather doubt that anyone would have found it an easy year.) |
| Thursday, June 19th, 2003 | |
| 10:48 am | I "took a day off" and went to the Tate Modern Gallery with Jenny Carey. (It was the first day out, just for pleasure, that I'd had for a very long time.) It was really enjoyable -and some of the mobile art is very impressive. Came on-line to find that E-M had put the record straight with ST. It's been a bad year for most things but it's been a good year for friends. |
| Tuesday, June 17th, 2003 | |
| 10:44 am | By 16th June both the Red Cross and St Johns Ambulance had told they would provide escorts, so that I could have the surgery. Both left messages on the answering machine, with no way to reply. Both escorts arrived on time, in uniform; the Red Cross man had brought a uniformed friend with him - and he had his fully equipped ambulance to take me home! So I probably had as many para-medics escorting me as they had in the dental department! It turned out that the hospital had scheduled relatively minor work to test out my responses - but there was never likely to be another opportunity like that, or a safer time to do the major work ... Once I started insisting that I wanted the major work done now, please, the hospital were very good about it -and they did it! Apparently it was because of some ethical consideration that they had continually told me all the complications and warned me that I would be scarred several times. (They'd been doing that for 5 years; it could qualify as a form of torture! It put some of my life on hold, because I didn't know how bad the facial scarring was going to be.) In fact, they didn't mark my face, and if I go on healing as I seem to be now I think I'll look normal.... Early days yet but it looks hopeful. |
| Monday, June 16th, 2003 | |
| 10:43 am | 01:00 pm: triskaidekaphobia -Surgery - backdated By belated hindsight, this was semi-comic. (The whole long wait for the surgery hasn't been funny. I broke teeth under gum level, including that canines, on Aug. Bank holiday in 1997! It turned out that the damage wasn't treated properly at the time, then I couldn't get anything done - cardiac stuff, etc.) Finally, this was a hospital job. Treatment was then delayed several times, by the hospital. Finally, the date was set - Monday, June 16th 2003. I had to have an escort who would be there half hour before they started, or they couldn't give me the anaesthetic. The friend who was going to escort me was hit by a serious family emergency and told me that she couldn't come with me - late on Friday 13th. I frantically phoned every voluntary oganisation and charity that I could think of. They were all going to get back to me by 4p.m. on the 13th... So I spent the weekend trying to brace myself for having it delayed yet again, or even having to be re-referred to the hospital, because this time it would be my fault that the treatment hadn't been given... |
| Thursday, June 12th, 2003 | |
| 9:50 am | flats and hasck So far it'd been a bad year, with the offer and then withdrawal of a flat in Edgeware that I wanted badly being the worst thing to happen in years. The offer was actually made in March, subject to confirmation of the (medical) reasons for moving. The beaurocracy delayed so long in supplying a letter confirming the situation that I do need rehousing that I lost the chance of the flat. It was a distressing situation, with too much time spent with my life on hold while being pressured for the confirmation by the housing authority, and the confirming authority prevaricating. They supplied the needed confirmation months later, at the end of May - but by then I'd lost the chance to relocate. I'd been trying to liase throughout. I was also trying to deal with long-term problems arising from inaccurate official files. The Advocacy Worker broke appointments continually, and failed to be there, without warning, at least twice. When she did this yet again I complained - and learned that she had been admitted to hospital. She has not been in touch since. (I know that the infection was a very bad because I caught it myself in March, [and now I know where.] I was barely recovering by May, so I feel a brute for complaining.... Nevertheless, I have nothing in writing about her situation and the legal deadline for that aspect of the work may now have passed... ) I did manage to get HASCK involved with the rehousing. The delay in getting confirmations means that this is now a major task (*sigh* -to put it mildly...) ---------------------------------------- Hindsight; the poor woman was actually admitted to a mental hospital - which would explain attitude of her co-workers. As far as I could ascertain at the time they were either a bunch of crooks or intended to blame me. They also lost the file of records and it stayed gone for a year. I would guess they should have been liable for that, hence attitude. |
| Friday, June 6th, 2003 | |
| 9:24 am | 01:44 pm: computer virus - backdated I think this was the weekend when someone sent me a computer-virus that burned out Norton and did further damage. (I'd been injured [back]while packing for a relocation that didn't take place, and it'd left me with weeks of either sitting in frontof the computer or staying in bed -while having to live out of boxes almost as though I had moved. The period when the computer appeared dead was not pleasant.) So I spent most of the weekend with the machine at PC World. The computer was extensively scanned; no virus. The engineer reinstalled Norton - but I had this gut feeling that the virus was still there ... As the shop was closing I talked him into going on-line. There was the virus, still trying to download - I have this mental pictire of it as a foaming, snarling, rabid pit-bull trying to force its way through a cat-door! (My computer is quite old and they'd been trying to sell me a little Toshiba laptop, net-ready but with no virus protection installed. If I'd come home and gone on-line with either of them .... ) We then went through to a Website that let us destroy the infected spam online. The repairs, etc. aren't complete and the printer has failed since, although it's semi-working at present. Surgery the following week made it impossible to take the computer back so that the engineer can finish the job. ETA This is posted backdated, copying my journal over. Edited to add that I eventually found out that my little desktop was both maxed out and that a downloaded virus scanner had "eaten" the functioning. |